By Bruce Sterling EmailMarch 03, 2008 | 6:45:45 AM
"Some of the references might require a bit of explaining if you weren't in Iraq about then (2005) or part of the transportation reconstruction sector. But you shoud get the gist."
http://blog.wired.com/sterling/2008/03/why-did-the-ira.html

Why Did the Iraqi Chicken Cross the Road?

Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions. 



Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004. 



Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed. 



US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Lyndie Edwards: The chicken was lead across the road on a leash by me, after we made it and all the other chickens form a naked pyramid. I only did this because all the other soldiers wanted me to and I'm a moron. It's really not my fault. Besides, I'm pregnant.



Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill. 



1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers. 



Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens. 



Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident. 



Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request. 



U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.

CAOA Joint Venture (a reconstruction contractor): We would be willing to allow the chicken to cross the road, as long as we are allowed to evaluate the relevant transportation infrastructure and get 3 competent and graded bids. Given the overhead rate of 23% and forward depreciation…

Donald Rumsfeld: There are known chickens and unknown chickens. Did the chicken intend to cross the road? Heavens, yes! Was it her intention to cross it in the manner that she did cross it? Perhaps not. 



Scott McLellan: As I said before, what the president said earlier about the chicken incident is still operative. If I receive further information I will of course be glad to share it with you. 



John Ashcroft: The chicken was possessed by Satan and deserved everything that happened to him. National security prohibits me from saying more. 



Condoleezza Rice: No one could have possibly foreseen that chicken would try to cross that road to get to that side. 



John Kerry: While I cannot say that I do not fully support the president's actions in the chicken-road incident, it is certainly not my intention to state that, in conjunction with our long-time friends and allies, I would not have done it better. Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

Dick Cheney: The press is using the chicken incident to divert attention from the fact that Saddam had nuclear weapons and was going to use them on us. AAAAGH, my heart!!! Lay off or I'll shoot you in the face.



Colin Powell: These satellite photos conclusively show that there was, indeed, a road there. That the chicken had the intention of crossing this road is made clear from this recording made the night before in the chicken coop... Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

PRESIDENT BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.



HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.



RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.



BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? Does the chicken have any distinguishing characteristics?



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross. Where is my OxyContin? I'll bet Michael J. Fox is swaying and exaggerating the entire thing just to get some sympathy.



GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.



OPRAH WINFREY & Sally Jesse Raphael: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.



JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together-in peace.



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.



CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.



SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



BILL GATES: I have just rolled out eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.



ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?



THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.



SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.
 


Baghdad Bob (the Iraqi Information Minister under Saddam): The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!


USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit though, it's impressive footage..."

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraqi ambassador) 
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

FOX MULDER 
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

AL GORE 
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

MARTHA STEWART 
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL 
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS 
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road; but why it crossed, I've not been told!

JACQUES CHIRAC 
We will veto any resolution regarding non-compliance of the chicken whether is has or has not crossed the road!

AEGIS PSD (a security contractor): The chicken attempted to cross the road we were using. And after the chicken ignored numerous warning shots, we shot the chicken's car up and set the video record of the incident to an Elvis tune. That's what is now on the internet…

NSA: Of course we monitored the Chicken's conversations on the XXXXXX with XXXX, XXXXX and XXXXXX, using our national technical assets XXXXXXX and XXXXXX in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXX, and XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX despite the laws forbidding such spying without a warrant. President Bush said XXXXXXX and that's good enough for us! (redacted, for reasons of National Security)

Colonel Stevens (BAF commander): Denied, denied, denied. The chicken may not cross the road. Because I said so and that is that.

Diligence Middle East (another security contractor) You fooking C#nt! Get your feathered arse across the road or I'll choke the life out of you.

Controlled Risks (yet another security contractor) Chicken? Is this another way to refer to our esteemed Filipina housemaids?

Average Iraqi security guy. Chicken on the road? Let me get my flip flops…

FOX NEWS (Fair and Balanced): And Fox News' exclusive reporting has determined that the Islamofascist liberal terrorist chickens in Iraq have crossed the road. Loyal and patriotic Americans (Republicans All) have been "staying the course" to allow the president (God bless him) to announce MISSION ACCOMPLISHED at will. In other news, cut and run "pro death" antichristian Democrats have introduced a new death tax bill to steal money from hard working deceased Americans.

Average Afghan: They have chickens? Truly they have all the blessings of Allah…

I still can't believe it ...I just can't ... Abid, one of the few who really inspired me and became a very good friend. An amazing guy , a bundle of energy, spontaneous, fun, always making others around him smile ...
I can't believe that he was kidnapped and murdered in Parwan, Afghanistan.
http://profiles.takingitglobal.org/Abid-Akmal

Abid was a true Afghan, a true pathan who believed in a merciful God and who believed in his people and so he stayed back in his country and worked to bring peace and safety back to his beloved land.

My heart goes out to his family . I pray they get the strength to carry on.

I have Abid's number but I dont have the courage to call knowing that he won't be there on the other end to receive my call ... He has touched our lives in such beautiful ways...its hard to hold back tears now ...when I was in Delhi there was a part of me which was very sad ...and it was Abid who healed that part ...He gave me hope and taught me to look at life from a whole new point of view...I truly respect and love him for being such a good friend...

His zest for life was so infectious that he made everyone around him happy. No one can take his place !

I know we have to gain strength from his life and stand up against all who took him away from us... and let's promise each other never to stop fighting against those evil elements.

Let us all do our bit to bring peace and safety back to Afghanistan...

Love & peace

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Food for thought or food for survival? ... though the creation of thought is definitely dependent and influenced by the presence /absence / quantity or quality of food .

The first half of my day was spent casually going about my reading and other mundane chores and anticipating the culinary delights that I might be savouring in the evening.
So much was the anticipation that I and my friend practically starved ourselves thinking about the treat..."we better prepare ourselves ...adjust the space in our tummies... make way for the excess calories that were going to be added in the evening"...

Ah ...well the wait for the food stretched so much that sitting in the restaurant we could think of nothing but food....food that was travelling from the kitchen to the tables with eagerly awaiting palates, ready to gobbled, munched or chewed carefully( depending upon on the time-lapse between their previous bite).

For a moment we looked at each other, sparks flying????
...ummm no ...
we just couldn't take our mind off food...we just smiled .... " Ohh I wish the order comes or I swear I am going to snatch that next plate that passes by me! " screamed my "on-the-verge-of-a-major-social-breakdown" friend.

We tried to shift our gaze to a particular loud table where a few drunkorexic two-pot screamer kids were practising the art of "Yo/hey-man-ing" [screaming the words "Yo/hey-man" accompanied by the hip-hop hand gesture (
it is the arm bent at around a 90 degree angle out from the body and being moved up and down :)) or as a 'disillusioned-with-rap' guy describes "making a pouty-kinda face and waving their arm in the air like they're swatting flies")......

no it doesn't work!!!!....
the aroma of freshly baked cakes with pinguedinous layers just filled my senses immediately reminding me that our order had still not arrived...
I looked at my companion who had turned atrabilious for the lack of food and summoned up the greatest gravitas that I could accomodate on my face in that situation and enquired about our order to which I got a polite but firm reply that "'it's almost ready ma'am".

"There is a good deal of the yahoo in every gang of adolescents that goes berserk, whatever their color(sic)"

Jonathan Swift Gulliver's Travels(1726)

The quote rings a bell when I ponder over the misfortunes that "man"kind ends up inviting on itself on a remarkably regular and consistent basis. ... be it ignoring the climate crisis or orchestrating and fanning strifes in various corners of the world for selfish reasons or planned or random acts of violence...
The scale on which such issues come up poses a question to my mind ...

Is it human to be so selfish or is it a standard deviation?

I know reducing the problem to selfishness is very simplistic yet it could also be the key... we are all born selfish... the values of sharing and giving are instilled in us during our rite of passage into the adult world...
A child learns to share and give while trying to protect herself/himself from a perceived danger that is displeasing the parents... she/he learns the first lessons of moral responsibilty at this young stage...Yet the basis of this very act of learning is a selfish urge to protect oneself...

and no I am not a misanthrope ...au contraire ....

With all the threats of an imminent disastor resulting from global warming, especially living in a coastal metropolis in a flat overlooking the sea on three sides and being threatened with the possibility of one's habitat being engulfed in the rising sea .....it's sort of difficult to stay positive ...

But for an eternal optimist 'like me' ...I 'm supposed to be happy at the fact that they have found another planet worth living in another solar system in some "impossible-to-reach-in-this-lifetime" corner of the universe.
amen...

http://www.world-science.net/othernews/070425-habitable-planet.htm

"On National Prejudice", Oliver Goldsmith
http://grammar.about.com/od/classicessays/a/goldsmithessay7.htm


Some snippets ....


Among all the famous sayings of antiquity, there is none that does greater honour to the author, or affords greater pleasure to the reader (at least if he be a person of a generous and benevolent heart) than that the philosopher, who, being asked what "countryman he was," replied that he was a citizen of the world. How few there are to be found in modern times who can say the same, or whose conduct is consistent with such a profession! We are now become so much Englishmen, Frenchmen, Dutchmen, Spaniards, or Germans, that we are no longer citizens of the world; so much the natives of one particular spot, or members of one petty society, that we no longer consider ourselves as the general inhabitants of the globe, or members of that grand society which comprehends the whole human kind

This is really a very funny and interesting movie. A must watch....:)

The Gods Must Be Crazy.

Raila's invitation to Kibaki for a live debate may be an acceptable democratic gesture but anyone who thought Kibaki would oblidge (including Raila himself) would have been engaging in wishful thinking.

With the trouble Kibaki encounters just to come up with a sensible statement 'off the cuff' during public rallies, it would have been hell for hioms should he have allowed himself come under impromptu attacks from journalists and the public.

Whatever reasons he gave, i would say his strategists were wise to reject the call since it would have done a lot of damage to his campaigns.

www.tairo.tk

Kenyans have always said that they will never accept a stolen election. These comments have been repeatedly made by the two opposition candidates (one pictured here). This, therefore, points out to the possibility of this election being rigged.

Can this election be rigged? What mechanisms for redress do we have if such an eventuality occurs?

Will you accept a stolen election? What will you do if it happens?

Well, after the much hyped HIV testing week begun, i challenged myself for the test and slowly headed to the center located at St. Pauls University Chapel.

The counselling went on well (infact, it felt like i was the one counselling the counsellor). When blood was drawn from my finger and put in the testing kits, tension filled the air as silence engulfed the room. After what seemed like an eternity, the results were out and as i expected, they were negative.

The tension should not in any way be taken to mean that i wasnt sure about my status, but even the surest of them all will be wondering what result may be recorded in the test, its probably the toughest moment of the whole period.

Should i challange all ye to go out and confirm your status? Take control of your life.

Well, with the recent finding of crude weapons in an assistant minister's vehicle, it saddens me whenever i try to imagine who those weapons were going to be used against. People in this country are willing to sacrifise lives of other human beings for the sole purpose of winning a general election.

The usual denials followed from the minister but any sane Kenyan does not need to be told that the weapons were his baggage being transpoted in his car by his driver and staff members. He is guilty.

Its time Kenyans stood up and voted such crude animals out of our law making institutions.

It was exhilirating to witness the war between 50 Cent and Kanye West over who was to sell more albums than the other. 50 went ahead and said that he would quit should Kanye beat him. Well he was beaten, bady indeed and i am sitting pretty waiting for him to announce his retirement from music.

But i am keen to note that Kanye had actually begged 50, during a televised interview, not to quit music since he would miss him alot (this was before the launch of their albums) Probably 50 has heeded Kanye's cries and decided to keep on making hits.

Poor 50 Cent.

Call it Majimbo, Utaguzi or even devolution, this is a system of government that all Kenyans want. They even say it everyday in the news, from the government to the opposition. Why is it that the government is working overtime to discredit the opposition for fronting a system of government that they also wasnt to install? The government looks so foolish to be disagreeing with majimbo yet they go ahead and say they will implement devolution. Its time they stopped the bashing so that we all move towards the right direction.

The situation in Pakistan is getting worse day by day ...

check this news item on the following link !

Militants Draw New Front Line Inside Pakistan

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/02/world/asia/02pakistan.html?ei=5087&em=&en=418d3ce8e32c33d2&ex=1194235200&pagewanted=all

I am glad that my friends in Pakistan are safe but I am seriously worried about their future and actually the entire region's safety for if the current trend in Pakistan is not quelled ...anything can happen especially if crazy people like Maulana Fazullah gain more power !!!

The world community must turn their attention to what is going on inside Pakistan ... I am wondering why the situation in Pakistan is not coming up as a crisis in the UN SC !!